“I spent at least my first year in Shamatha practice visualizing the breath that I was focusing on, although I never quite realized this.

And one day, when I guess I was pretty settled in and stable with all this, it occurred to me to wonder what my experience of the breath was actually like – I found myself in a different “place”, actually experiencing breathing without having any real picture or foreknowledge of what it was like.”

This was so beautifully put Many a time I notice myself tracing out what I think is the direct experience of the breath, only to find that I’m actually creating some sort of image or reflection of what the breath is, and actually following that with awareness. It’s as if the simple bare sensations are swapped with a thought or image of the breath, and somehow, stealth-like, ninja-like, this image was substituted in whilst my awareness was dull, and I didn’t notice the hand-over. And then there I am, watching something I’m actually creating, rather than resting in what arises without my prompting.

“I can’t find a reference that gives me the exact number, or even the story now, but I’ve heard that the Buddha said that a single Snap! of the fingers is a length of time that subdivides into more than 300 pieces. This is how far you have to look to find the actual moment itself – if it can even be found, if such a thing even exists – or so it always seemed to me.”

This is very interesting to me – reflecting on my experience, it certainly seems at times that I’m getting blips, or flashes, or segments of experience – small moments, or pulses which seem to make up what seems to be a smooth continuous experience when I’m not so aware. It’s as if there are waves or pulses to experience – I can’t honestly say that it seems to me that there are slices, or somehow discrete units to which I could give the name of ‘dharmas’. Thus far, I suspect it is mistaken to take dharmas as being discrete.

I find it interesting to sometimes see how far down I can take my awareness in terms of how fine can I see the movement of mind. How fine can those movements be that I can become aware of. How many a second, if you want to become crass about it. It’s an interesting and revealing approach to take, sometimes ……

“to find the actual moment itself – if it can even be found, if such a thing even exists”

What is this ‘moment’? Why the interest in finding ‘it’? What’s that all about????

very best wishes to you in the Dharma,

Chodpa